Father’s day is coming up-it’s that time a year we celebrate him the way we are accustom to. I lost mine to an aggressive cancer in 1994, yet I still celebrate and reflect back on the things we did with him as a kid. Even when we were – ahem- grounded by good ol’ Dad, Mom made sure we acted in good spirits and celebrated, and he would forgive the grounding at the end of the day.
Sometimes he slept in and we made breakfast, eagerly waiting at the table and newspaper ready at arm length, or he got up early and made us ‘camping breakfast’ on the Coleman in the back yard. He was actually planning on cleaning up the stove from the previous year getting it ready for the summer vacation, and then made breakfast to make it look special. We were kids, we didn’t know, we just liked his pancakes and bacon from that old stove.
Normally on Sundays we had 3 chores to do. Dad (again with instructions from Mom) cut it down to one, and it was supposed to be a shared easy chore. For me, it was to clean up something in the garage. When my turn came, he entered the garage with his typical grumble about how much clutter there was, then pointed to a box or a shelf to clean. We would sort thru it, putting it into a different box and he would explain why they made things like dielectric connectors. I would ask the typical ‘well if it’s for plumbing, why do they call it electric. I never understood his definition, I just glued my eyes to the part with fascination and he felt good thinking he was teaching me something. I already knew what most of the stuff was, but that’s a story for another day.
Life has changed so much since then, yet in my personal tradition I was checking out today’s trends on what to do or buy. Here’s my top ten list of high-end things advertised for Dad, if buying things is your tradition (from a high-end primarily urban demographic catalog).
Um binoculars? for bird watching? When you live in the city? Oh – wait – waxed canvas so-he-can-feel-like-an-outdoor-sportsman Bag to protect his binoculars… in the city. $430
Wool lined armpit length fishing waders – with water proof beer disposable front zipper… $600
Inflatable 9 ft. paddleboard…so he can deflate it and not look like a clumsy boof carrying out of the water $700
Wireless (like we need another set we never listen to) speakers $750
Does everything wireless so Dad can operate it camera – $800
Custom made stampbox for his pedalboard telecaster – custom made, get a custom quote, put the quote in an envelope asking for his credit card and his custom design so you can order it – and you can also get the copper antenna on the probe painted, extensive application of glitter, hand-placed sequins, and copying of a complex logo / illustration / photograph of a dad selfie stamp box of his face that he steps on… in pink with sequins, please… custom price starts at $900
Home espresso dad machine so he doesn’t have to use the “it will be ready prepaid phone app so I don’t have to wait in the drive thru” dad $1300
New fold up super lightweight durable bicycle -with latest and greatest gizmos $1550
65in 1200 giga-pixel HDMI-BT-OMG-LMAO super thin TV with android tablet as control… sorry, no iPad option available but its only $2000
Motorcycle with GoPro cam, tweets And whistles (at #Mom, of course) $16000
Then again, just bring Dad down here to look in our man cave… maybe you will find a one of a kind. Made local. Repurposed. Or do a project with him in our shop.